Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
