he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
