finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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