I never want to see another naked old woman again.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
