Taylor Swift is so right about you.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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