i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
not ubering you a puppy
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
