Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
