Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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