and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
