god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
