Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
