He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
