Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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