Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
