do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
