y did u give ur computer a hand job?
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
