so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
