Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
