what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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