Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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