he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
