Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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