i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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