she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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