I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
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