I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
