I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
