I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize