I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
