You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
