Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
