i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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