she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
are you so shy because you have an std?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
