Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
