and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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