So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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