Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
