I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
