So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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