Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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