Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize