ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
