just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
