I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
