I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
