Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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