Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
