the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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