what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm just crazy horny about you
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
