So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I could fuck to npr.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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