Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
