The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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