she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
