I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
