I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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