i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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