you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
