My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I want to be your penis for a week.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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