I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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