did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
