You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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