I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
