I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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