i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
