apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize