Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
