i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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