The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
