she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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