Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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