Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
