Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
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