Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
