I think i peed on brittanys purse
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
