I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
