remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
