My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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