yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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