Welp...herpes.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
