I wish life had little blips of pornography
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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