so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you win again, gameday.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
