Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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