im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
