were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
