I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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