ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
and you fell through a lawn chair
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
