um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
